How Stange

I was reading the book I mentioned, "Cheating Destiny", last night. All cuddled up in bed, nice warm and cozy with a sugar reading of 156. That's fine for my before bed reading. Also, take note that I usually don't read these kinds of books because they tend to scare me a little and they can be quite depressing. I was reading about the author's child and how he was diagnosed with diabetes. I was reading about lows and the effects they have on the body and what happens if you go severely low. I started to feel anxious. I know my sugar probably couldn't have went too low in the matter of twenty minutes since I last checked. My heart started pounded too hard and I felt dizzy. I grabbed my meter pretty fast because I thought I was going really low.......from the symptoms I was having, I was thinking my sugar must have dropped into the 40's. Check it, wait, Oh Cripes.......wait...five seconds seems like a freakin' eternity - my sugar is still in the 150's. I check it again, just to be sure, and it is the same. I layed in bed trying to relax and wondering why I felt this way. It seems, reading that damn book gave me an anxiety attack. Reading about how your body SHOULD wake you up if you go too low and how your body should kick some glucose in if you start to go way too low - just reading all that scary stuff made me anxious. Now I really, honestly know why I DO NOT want to read these books. I sat the book on my nightstand, looking at it, shaking my head, and wondering why anyone wants to read about such depressing things. I will stick to the facts and read them when I need to, I guess. No more book for me! It would be like having cancer, getting a book about it, and then reading about all the terrible things that COULD happen to you. That's okay. I pass.

Anyways, one great point from the book that I just don't understand is why, WHY!!! are foods that are unhealthy so cheap and foods that are healthy for us cost so much more!!!! It really tends to piss me off. The potato chips with all the unhealthy trans fats cost about $2.50 a bag. The Baked Lay's are almost $4 a bag! And then we are soooo freakin' concerned about obesity and diabetes in this country. And, in my opinion, that is price gouging(Hello? against the law, right?). The good cuts of meat are $4 a pound and the meat with all the disgusting fats is like $2 a pound. People on very fixed incomes cannot eat the healthy way they may want to; therefore, they become unhealthy, and they might not have health insurance because they can't afford that (which is an entirely new story) and BAM! Health costs skyrocket for the entire country! It is like everyone has a hidden agenda. Don't let anyone really be able to afford healthy food because they might actually lose weight and become healthy and then what will happen!? Could you imagine if that bag of Baked Lay's cost $2.50 and the uhealthy bag of chips cost $4? Oh NO! I would have to buy the Baked Lays!!!!!! The government REALLY needs to get a damn clue!

My vent for the week! ; )

Thinking Back...

Well, actually, alot of things have happened since May now that I think more about it. My grandpa did pass away on September 11th at around 10:10pm. We had just came home from visiting him about two hours before. The nursing home had taken him off the ventilator. Last time they did this for that long, his heart stopped and they had to revive him. The nurse told me it was a horrible thing to have to do to him with everyone all over him, pumping his chest, etc. It was at that point I put in the DNR (Do not Resuscitate) order. Most of my family wanted this done in the first place but his son was having a problem with it. Anyways, the night he passed, he had been off of the ventilator all day. He didn't look real good while we were there but he was always smiling and holding our hands. As we were leaving I just looked at my husband and said, "This is gonna be it. He's not going to make it through the night." I didn't know what I could do though. They were trying to wean him off the ventilator so I figured they were doing the right thing. He was 83 years old. He was my only Papaw and will be forever.

Also, we had a new house built and we have been in it for about 2-1/2 months now. Our master bedroom is downstairs and the first thing my husband said when we saw the floor plan was, "you won't have to run downstairs if you have low sugar in the middle of the night!" True, so true! Good example was last night. I woke up at about 2:30am and felt a little shaky. Reached for my monitor which was in it's trusty little place on my nightstand, checked my sugar and the reading was 66. Not too bad but I went out to get a small glass of milk just in case. I opened the fridge and just stared into it for what seemed like 5-10 minutes until I realized what I was doing. Low sugars in the middle of the night make me do some strange things because I just feel so extra groggy and out of it. So, finally, I drank my milk and shuffled my little tootsies back to bed.

When I woke up this morning my sugar was 141. I have a hard time with the dawn syndrome thingie-ma-jig so that reading is actually pretty good for me. So, I have my sandwich and my orange and banana for lunch. And my treat which I have about once a week.......Hershey's with Almonds. My favorite candy bar -- No, I cannot seem to resist that little brown wrapper peeking out at me from the vending machine at work. Winking at me and just coaxing me to put in that 65 cents and take him back to my office. So, I do with no regret. And, boy, do I enjoy it! I break it apart piece by piece and eat it oh-so-slowly letting the milk chocolaty flavor melt in my mouth. If anyone was watching me they would think I had never, ever eaten anything like it in my life. Now, if I didn't have diabetes, these tiny litle pleasures would not have much significance. I probably would have just gobbled it down with no thought. So, thank you once again, Diabetes, for showing me how to truly enjoy my chocolate! ;)

Shoot First.....

May? Are you kidding me...that is the last time I posted? Wow! Just not much to blog about I guess. The daily rituals, the lows, the highs....I guess it all got kinda boring for me. It all is getting to be such habit now that I can't find anything new to blog about.

I need to do a little better with my A1c, as my last doctor appointment confirmed. The results came back with a comment from the doctor, "Your diabetic control is good and we will see you back in six months." Good? The result was a 7.3! Now I consider that maybe, okay -- but, good. Not in my book. In my book, a 6.5 or lower would be good. Under 6 would be great. I am really striving for that this time. One of the biggest obstacles I will need to overcome is after meal dosing. I don't know why I wait really. I don't even think about it. I just sit down to eat and then half way through, I think, "Ummm...I really should do my shot." I mostly do this with dinner which is when my sugars run the highest so I have no clue why I continue to repeat this habit.

I am reading a book called "Cheating Destiny" by James S. Hirsch. So far, this book has reminded me why I do NOT read books related to diabetes. It has been depressing although very informative, talking about the history of the disease and the invention of insulin. The things people had to go through when diagnosed was just unthinkable especially with all the advancements we have had with diabetes treatments today. I just don't like to read about it all. I am guessing because it reminds me of how really serious this disease is. How scary it can really be. Soooo.....I am reading it anyways. Maybe, just maybe, it will talk me into doing those shots before I sit down to eat.