Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Hard Lessons about Life

Well, I haven't posted in a couple weeks. My grandpa became very ill the very night of my last post. He is 83 years old. He came down with an infection in his lungs because he tends to aspirate his food (everything he eats ends up being breathed into his lungs). So, he was on the ventilator and became well enough to get off of that. Now it is found out that he can't eat anything at all because he does not swallow properly. So he has been laying in that hospital bed with IV's all over him and his oxygen on, not being able to eat. He can't drink anything either and his mouth has been terribly dry.

Now today the doctor called and told me he needs to be put on the ventilator again and asked for my consent. He does have a living will and in that will he does not want to be sustained if he is in a permanently unconcsious state. Such a hard, impossible decision to make. My uncle wants him sustained for as long as possible to be sure there is no chance of recovery, which is absolutely understandable, but I think it is has come to that point. They are putting a tracheotomy in him today and after that, I think the feeding tube in his stomach. My uncle does not want to accept the fact that this may be it. His anger is directed towards the doctors and the nurses saying that they are not doing all they could be doing. I understand, I do. I just don't want to be putting my grandpa in such terrible situations either. It was his wish to only be sustained once. But my uncle, he doesn't want to let go and I just can't bring myself to go against him. I mean, eventually the anger has to fade, reality has to sink in and acceptance needs to take over. But it is his dad - it is hard to let go.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Why should I?

Whenever I have a conversation with someone, who wears a pump, about my sugar levels, which are pretty darn good, I always get the same response: "Why don't you get the pump?" And then I hear, "I can eat when and what I want and I don't have to get up early to be sure to eat." Hmmmmmmmm........wait a minute, sounds too good to be true. But, then I think...... I CAN DO THAT TOO! Diabetes is so individual, that the pump, no matter how life saving and freeing it can be for one person, is just not for someone else. I just couldn't imagine, right now, having the pump attached into me. Maybe later in life, but just not right now. If I had trouble controlling my suger levels, then I would also consider the pump.

We have planned a trip to Disney in Florida with my family this July. We are going to be there for the July 4th stuff that will be going on. We have never been there and we are so excited to be going! I was thinking this morning that I haven't been to a place like that since I was diagnosed almost five years ago. All the walking and excitement. I will just have to do less Lantus before bed and less Humalog before meals. And of course, carry my little handy dandy backpack full of snacks and sugar filled drinks!

Come to think of all that has been and will be happening, this year is a very exciting year for us. We have purchased a new car, the Disney trip, we are having our house built and it will be done in is a wonder my sugar levels aren't going haywire with all this! I have noticed with all the excitement, however, that I have been eating less. Which isn't all bad because it couldn't hurt for me to lose about five pounds!

American Idol Update: My man Taylor is doing good! Elliott's diabetes was mentioned and I wasn't aware that he wears an insulin pump. Go Elliott! I just seem to like Taylor because he's different and he brings some excitement to the show.