Saddened by Virginia Tech Tragedy

First, I have to say how saddened I am about the tragedy at Virginia Tech. Just thinking about those that lost their lives, sitting in a college classroom to better their lives, hits me pretty hard. Our daughter attends college and it shouldn't be a scary thing. I know they say that there is a better chance of the moon falling to the earth than something like that happenening - but it does happen. And I don't remember the moon ever falling to the earth. So, anyways, my heart goes out to all that are suffering.

The media really needs to stop giving so much attention to these criminals. I mean, the criminals are mailing videos and pictures to news stations because they know attention will be given. Maybe if we stop watching and stop giving attention, they will soon realize that is one thing that will not come from their crime. They are given nicknames and the disturbing videos are shown on every channel. If the videos and pictures weren't shown, I wouldn't miss them. But the news stations need their viewers so they each try to outdo the other. And then there are the curious that want to see these pictures and the criminals themselves watch and get ideas of their own. In our city, two seperate school lockdowns have occured within two days. I know the attention to these crimes would never stop. It has gone on for decades and will continue for decades more. I think ALL the attention should be given to the victims, period.

Acceptance

When you were little, acceptance was all you knew. You had to accept what was given to you because you didn't know any better. You were vulnerable, just a child. You had to accept good things and bad things and you adjusted yourself for those things so that you could continue on, happily.

I have been asked some questions lately regarding my diabetes from co-workers because I attended a Customer Service Training Session which included a luncheon afterward. I didn't attend the luncheon simply because I had to go home for lunch because my daughter was getting ready to head to Florida for spring break (ahhhh!). Anyways, the co-worker I was talking to also knew I had diabetes and since the subject was food, she asked how I was doing with my diabetes. She told me she would never even think that I had it and I asked why. She told me that I never mention it and never seem down about it and she knows several other people with diabetes who have a real problem with it.

This brings me to the title of by blog, Acceptance. I was diagnosed about six years ago. My doctor very casually told me, "You have diabetes." Handed me some paperwork, told me to take these pills and check back with him in a week. I was devasted. I cried all the way home. I didn't know what to eat or what to expect at all. Fastforward to about a year after that day, when I was finally diagnosed as Type 1, I realized that this is just the way it is going to be. There is no changing this. I have to watch what I eat. I have to do these shots. I have to prick my finger ten plus times a day to watch my sugar levels. It could be worse. So, this is ALL I have to do? Yes. This is ALL I have to do. Sure, it can get in the way when I have to put a halt to everything I am doing so I can check my sugar to make sure everything is fine, but, I HAVE to. That's all there is to it. Acceptance. I have accepted it as part of my life. It is a part of me. A pretty small part actually. So, I continue on, HAPPILY.

Winter, Winter go away........

Diabetes can't really get me down, but adding onto diabetes with little things that aren't so great has got me down a little. I went to the doc yesterday and he told me something I already knew but haven't really put much thought into it. He told me I have something called Right Bundle Branch Block. Strange name....it's when the wiring in the heart is just a little different. The "electrical currents" take a different route than they normally should. He didn't want to tell me not because it's bad but because it is nothing to worry about at all and a normal healthy heart can have it as well. Soooo......I'm not worrying about it...or am I? I am a little. He is scheduling me for an ultrasoud of the heart and a stress test just to rule anything out. That's good. I don't have symptoms of anything and I only went to the cardiologist because my heart seems to have this sensation of beating really hard, especially at night. Not skipping beats or irregular or anything, just hard.

And then my husband has been home from work for the last week (thank goodness for Aflac), because he had an episode of losing vision for a split second and then a headache and dizziness. The dizziness hasn't gone away and that is why he has been home. He has been getting a bunch of different tests done from MRI's to a Carotid Artery Test. The MRI and Cat Scan have come back fine so that is good. His mom is recovering from a double bypass in a nursing home that she calls dispicable. In my opinion, any nursing home is not great but she will only be there for a week and she is doing good. Does winter bring out all the illnesses, not to mention the lazies?

I can finally see our driveway which has been hidden away under all the ice and snow. I can't wait to see the grass! With all of this going on, my sugar levels have actually been pretty good.

So, with all due respect, winter.......could you just go away?

Handy Little "free" Boxes

Does anyone keep their insulin in the boxes they came in after opening them? I do. I find it is alot easier to tell which one to grab when reaching in the fridge, at any time of the day. Even when carrying my Humalog to work and back, the box is very handy and keeps it nice and safe. I have seen the colorful pretty little vial protectors, and they seem very nice, but I just prefer the box. Especially when they are being sold for $10 a pair when it probably would take $2 to make. Don't get me wrong, they are probably very handy for kids when they carry their insulin so that it just plain looks better. I would want them if I were a kid. They are pretty cool looking. Anyways, I would forget which one I put in which color protector and I would have to keep pulling the vial out to check! Oh well...

I am tired of winter. I have the winter lazies. I have started Pilates at home with my daughter. She really motivates me to do those painful body movements three times a week now! I am up to 20 minutes at a time and hopefully, if I can keep this up, I will be up to the full 45 minutes soon! Tonight I walk my 45 minute paper route - it is just too cold for that though. I enjoy the exercise but 24 degrees.......I can do it! I might need to grab me a cup of afternoon java to get through this day. Yea, the winter lazies grab me at work too!

Scary Stuff

Okay, I admit it. I'm scared. I am so scared of a hypo that I have kept my sugars too high alot of times. Especially before bed. Even though I set my alarm for 1:30am every night, I still wonder, "Will I wake up if my sugar goes too low?", "Will I die?" Hypo unawareness really scares me. I have had diabetes for about five years now and I can still pretty much tell when my sugar is dropping but sometimes I check and it will be down to 45 and I will have had no symptoms at all. My schedule is very routine and I usually know when to check; before breakfast, then around 10am, before lunch, then around 2pm, before dinner, and then around 9pm.........it's those in-between times that get us all. I will check probably 3-4 extra times in-between just to be sure nothing "strange" is going on. The weekends are somewhat of a challenge because my normal routine is much different. More lax I guess. When I clean my house on Sundays, I can't keep my sugar up and end up drinking a sugary soda thoughout the whole day. Cleaning the house and grocery shopping are good things to do to get your sugar down!

I tried the Extend Bars a couple nights ago. My sugar was 95 before bed. I wanted to see if the nutty chalky tasting bar would level my sugars out overnight. Well, I checked again after about 45 minutes of eating it and my reading was 215! Okay, it's not supposed to give you a big spike as it says it only has 2 grams of fact acting carb. So........needles to say, I don't think those work very well for me. Dinner was nothing that would have hit me later so I contribute all the rise in sugar to the Extend Bar.

How Stange

I was reading the book I mentioned, "Cheating Destiny", last night. All cuddled up in bed, nice warm and cozy with a sugar reading of 156. That's fine for my before bed reading. Also, take note that I usually don't read these kinds of books because they tend to scare me a little and they can be quite depressing. I was reading about the author's child and how he was diagnosed with diabetes. I was reading about lows and the effects they have on the body and what happens if you go severely low. I started to feel anxious. I know my sugar probably couldn't have went too low in the matter of twenty minutes since I last checked. My heart started pounded too hard and I felt dizzy. I grabbed my meter pretty fast because I thought I was going really low.......from the symptoms I was having, I was thinking my sugar must have dropped into the 40's. Check it, wait, Oh Cripes.......wait...five seconds seems like a freakin' eternity - my sugar is still in the 150's. I check it again, just to be sure, and it is the same. I layed in bed trying to relax and wondering why I felt this way. It seems, reading that damn book gave me an anxiety attack. Reading about how your body SHOULD wake you up if you go too low and how your body should kick some glucose in if you start to go way too low - just reading all that scary stuff made me anxious. Now I really, honestly know why I DO NOT want to read these books. I sat the book on my nightstand, looking at it, shaking my head, and wondering why anyone wants to read about such depressing things. I will stick to the facts and read them when I need to, I guess. No more book for me! It would be like having cancer, getting a book about it, and then reading about all the terrible things that COULD happen to you. That's okay. I pass.

Anyways, one great point from the book that I just don't understand is why, WHY!!! are foods that are unhealthy so cheap and foods that are healthy for us cost so much more!!!! It really tends to piss me off. The potato chips with all the unhealthy trans fats cost about $2.50 a bag. The Baked Lay's are almost $4 a bag! And then we are soooo freakin' concerned about obesity and diabetes in this country. And, in my opinion, that is price gouging(Hello? against the law, right?). The good cuts of meat are $4 a pound and the meat with all the disgusting fats is like $2 a pound. People on very fixed incomes cannot eat the healthy way they may want to; therefore, they become unhealthy, and they might not have health insurance because they can't afford that (which is an entirely new story) and BAM! Health costs skyrocket for the entire country! It is like everyone has a hidden agenda. Don't let anyone really be able to afford healthy food because they might actually lose weight and become healthy and then what will happen!? Could you imagine if that bag of Baked Lay's cost $2.50 and the uhealthy bag of chips cost $4? Oh NO! I would have to buy the Baked Lays!!!!!! The government REALLY needs to get a damn clue!

My vent for the week! ; )

Thinking Back...

Well, actually, alot of things have happened since May now that I think more about it. My grandpa did pass away on September 11th at around 10:10pm. We had just came home from visiting him about two hours before. The nursing home had taken him off the ventilator. Last time they did this for that long, his heart stopped and they had to revive him. The nurse told me it was a horrible thing to have to do to him with everyone all over him, pumping his chest, etc. It was at that point I put in the DNR (Do not Resuscitate) order. Most of my family wanted this done in the first place but his son was having a problem with it. Anyways, the night he passed, he had been off of the ventilator all day. He didn't look real good while we were there but he was always smiling and holding our hands. As we were leaving I just looked at my husband and said, "This is gonna be it. He's not going to make it through the night." I didn't know what I could do though. They were trying to wean him off the ventilator so I figured they were doing the right thing. He was 83 years old. He was my only Papaw and will be forever.

Also, we had a new house built and we have been in it for about 2-1/2 months now. Our master bedroom is downstairs and the first thing my husband said when we saw the floor plan was, "you won't have to run downstairs if you have low sugar in the middle of the night!" True, so true! Good example was last night. I woke up at about 2:30am and felt a little shaky. Reached for my monitor which was in it's trusty little place on my nightstand, checked my sugar and the reading was 66. Not too bad but I went out to get a small glass of milk just in case. I opened the fridge and just stared into it for what seemed like 5-10 minutes until I realized what I was doing. Low sugars in the middle of the night make me do some strange things because I just feel so extra groggy and out of it. So, finally, I drank my milk and shuffled my little tootsies back to bed.

When I woke up this morning my sugar was 141. I have a hard time with the dawn syndrome thingie-ma-jig so that reading is actually pretty good for me. So, I have my sandwich and my orange and banana for lunch. And my treat which I have about once a week.......Hershey's with Almonds. My favorite candy bar -- No, I cannot seem to resist that little brown wrapper peeking out at me from the vending machine at work. Winking at me and just coaxing me to put in that 65 cents and take him back to my office. So, I do with no regret. And, boy, do I enjoy it! I break it apart piece by piece and eat it oh-so-slowly letting the milk chocolaty flavor melt in my mouth. If anyone was watching me they would think I had never, ever eaten anything like it in my life. Now, if I didn't have diabetes, these tiny litle pleasures would not have much significance. I probably would have just gobbled it down with no thought. So, thank you once again, Diabetes, for showing me how to truly enjoy my chocolate! ;)